Chords used
D
F#m
C
Bm
G
A
Bm9
Dm
F/C
G7
C#
Bb
F
Am
A7
Bbm
Gm
Eb
C7
D7
Em
E
F7
Dm7
Gm7
Am7
Em7
B7
B
C/G
Fm
C#m
Abm
Ebm
1.
Can't Handle This
Key: DMediumD
F#m
C
Bm
G
A
DCan I say my shit?
New York, CF#man IC say my shit?
I've got lots of shit to Bmsay
I've got lots of shit to say (GOoh)
(Spoken)
DI can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can. I have a huge amount of trouble
Fitting mF#my haCnd inside of a Pringle can, I can get my hand like four inches into the can
But then I have to tBmilt the can into my mouth
BmBut then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can
GSo they all go spilling onto my face
What I'm trying to say is the diameter of PDringle cans is way too small
DI'll say it again
The diameter of PrinF#mgle Ccans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small
BmIf you feel me, put your hands up Come on!
BmIf you feel me, put your hands up
GLook at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of Pringle cans
DYour hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can
F#mYou Cthink you can, I know you can't, you think you can
(Spoken)
F#mPrinCgles!
Listen to the Bmpeople, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get
BmAre about the width of your cans
Just make them wiGder. I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry
DI want to have a daughter
DWant to have a daughter
(Spoken)
F#mSo IC can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can
Yes, I'm still on the BmPringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright?
GBut that is priority número uno
DI don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body
F#mBut CI'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym
Irony can be so Bmpainful
That's a Catch-2G2 (Ooh!) Let's do this!
DI went to Chipotle
DWhen at Chipotle
F#mGot Cmyself a chicken burrito
(Spoken)
BmI went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line
The guy tried to wrap the bGurrito, but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out
GHe still wrapped it
GI was like, dude you should have warned me!
DYou're a burrito expert You should have told me halfway through!
"Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capF#macitCy here"
F#mDo yCou think I want a messy burrito?
F#mNo oCne wants a messy burrito
The whole apBmpeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained
BmWithin the confines of the tortilla
GI wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look
I wouldn't have got the leDttuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the cheDese if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the pepF#mpersC if I knew it wouldn't fit
F#mI woCuldn't have got - Half of it
Like, BmI'm okay with small mistakes
If you've got no more chicken, I'll take pGork
But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burArito with a fDork
I wouldn't have got the letDtuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the cheF#mese Cif I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the peppF#mers Cif I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like
BmHalf of it, like
BmHalf of it, like
BmHalf of it, like
BmHalf of it right nGow
I thGink it's time I
ThGink it's time, I think that we break it down
DF#mCBmG
(Spoken)
DI can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are
Pringle cans, aF#mnd bCurritos
The truth is, my biggest problem's yBmou
BmI want to please you
BmBut I want to stay true to myself
GI want to give you the night out that you deserve
GBut I want to say what I think
GAnd not care what you think about it
DPart of me loves you
DPart of me hates you
F#mPartC of me needs you
F#mPartC of me fears you
BmAnd I don't think that I can handle this right now
BmHandle this right nGow
GI don't think that I can handle this right now
DI don't think that I can handle this right now
DI don't think that I can handle this right now
F#mI doCn't think that I can handle this right now
F#mLookC at them, they're just staring at me
Like, "cBmome and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental heGalth
And laGugh as he attempts
To give you what he caAnnot give hiDmself
DI don't think that I can handle this right now
DI don't think that I can handle this right now
F#mTheyC don't even know the half of this right now
F#mTheyC don't even know the half of it
BmBut I know I'm not a doctor
I'm a pussy, I put on a silly shGow
So I should probably just shut up and do my jAob
DSo here I go
DI wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the chF#meeseC if I knew it wouldn't fit
I wouldn't have got the pF#meppeCrs if I knew they wouldn't fit
F#mI woCuldn't have got half
BmYou can tell them anything if
BmYou just make it funny, make it rhGyme
And if they stGill don't understand you
Then you rGun it one more tDime
DI don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!)
Handle this right (F#mHoo!C)
F#mHandCle this right
You don't even know the half of this right Bmnow
BmRight now (Haa!)
GHandle this right now
GHandle this right
GHandle this right nDow
N.C
Thank you, good night!
N.C
I hope you're happy
2.
What's Funny
Key: DMediumD
G
Bm9
A
My show is Da little bit silly and a liGttle bit pretenDtious G
Like ShDakespeare's willy or NGoam ChomskyBm9 wearing a strap on, A
It's Dalso a little bit gay anGd a little offDensive, G
Like ThDanksgiving Day or NoaGm Chomsky Bm9wearing a strap on, A
So put your cell phDones to vibrate, G
And put your vibratoBm9rs to cell phoneA mode,
DWelcome to the show it goes a littleG bit like this, Bm9
JOKE... (laAugh)... exactly.
DWelcome to my flow it flows a littGle bit like this, Bm9
With a rap Aa dist and a,
DSwift rap on the wrist aG wrap and a kiss,
Bm9Like Hershey's wrapping a kiss shit. A
DI got a show that'll test ya Gkids,
Then ask Bm9one question and the question is, A
What's funnDy? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funnAy?
Oh, HumDor is often linked to sGhared experienBm9ce, A
Like a guyD gets up and says,
"have you noticeGd that public restrooms have really inefficient hanBm9d dryers, A
Oh my god, Dyes I have, HA GHA HA, Bm9
Really good point, Athey should fix that, D
Its gGood to know that somebody finBm9ally gets me, A
because my wife divDorced me which Sub-Consciously forced me, G
to lBm9ose all sense of self.A
So its niDce to think about hand dryersG and not that cheating whoBm9re, A
Because standD up comedy is actually pretty eGasy, Bm9 A
If you're an asianD comic just get up and saGy,
"My mothers got the weirdest fucBm9king accent" A
then just do, aD chinese accent, becGause everybody laughs at the chinese acceBm9nt, A
Because they privatelDy thought that your people were laughableG,
And now you've given themBm9 the chance to express that in publiAc,
If you're a musiDcal comic, just give 'em a litGtle weird voice inflectBm9ion A
Then takeD a Viagra and slap 'em withG a rock hard misdiBm9rection
What's funnDy? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funnAy?
stop
TOURETTE'S!
What's funnDy? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funnAy? And the audience says
When I was a baby, maDybe I laughed at peopGle jiggling keys, Bm9 A
Now I'm olderD and bolder,
And just get mad 'caGuse i notice that the keys are to a HummerBm9, A
Fuck my life ID don't fuck my wife, G
so fuck my wife anBm9d fuck my life, A
and my son is gay, butD not sitcom gay, G
My daughter's a whore likBm9e another girl who used to be her motheAr,
But the marrDiage made her miss merry americana, G
Bm9I want a teen without screamiAng prima-donna,
But the radiDcal feminists made my wifGe a man, Bm9 A
And if I dieD happy the situation Gwill be autoerotic asphyxBm9iation, A
DI hate my life Gand it hates me back, Bm9 A
and my friend is black, D
but I Gdon't know what to call him, so Bm9I just call hiAm...
D"Yo whatup JGamaal?", Bm9
Even though his name is Steve, A
I DHate my job I hate my life, hate my kidsG I hate my wife,
Bm9Jews would know I do it; Judas beatA me to it,
DI'm slowly slipping into a solipsisticG coma, Bm9 A
A just strum angrily a bunch of times
And I masturbate because I'm the only one who's standards are low enough to fuck me....
.....
What's funnDy? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funnAy?
stop
*pop* It's a boy!
What's funnDy? What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? G
What's funny? What's funny? What's funny? Funny? F-funnAy?
Hopefully this D A D
3.
Comedy
Key: DmHardDm
F/C
G7
C
C#
Bb
F
Am
A7
Bbm
Gm
Eb
C7
D7
Em
D
G
DmThe world is changing
The planet's heating up
F/CWhat the fuck is G7going on? C C#
DmRearranging
It's like everything happened all at oF/Cnce
Um, what the fuck is gG7oing on? C C#
BbThe peopleC rising in the Fstreets, the Dmwar, Cthe dBbrought
BbThe more I lCook the more I see Fnothing to Dmjoke aboCut
BbIs comedy Cover?
FShould I leave you alone?
Dm'cause, reallyC who's gonna go for Bbjoking at a tCime like this?
FShould I be joking at a tiDmme like thAmis?
I waBbnna help to Cleave this world Fbetter than I Dmfound it C
And IBb fear that comeCdy won't help
And the fFear is not unfounDmded C
ShoBbuld I stop trying to be fuCnny?
Should I gA7ive away my Dmmoney? NCo! Bb
What do I Bbmdo?
Dm Healing the wCorld withF comedyDm
CThe indescribable pBbower of your cGmomedy
Dm The world needs dCireFction
From a white guy lDmike Ebme
Who is healing the world with comBbedy
That's it!
DmThe Cworld is Fso fucked up Dm
Systematic opCpression
BbIncome inequaliGmty
DmThe other stuff
FAnd there's only one thing I can do about iDmt...
EbWhile... While being paid, and Bbbeing the center of attention
DmHealing tChe wForld with coDmmedy
CMaking a literal diBbfference, metaGmphorically
DmA Jew walks into Ca bFar
And I've saved him Dma seEbat
That's healing the Bbworld with comedy
DmI'm a special kind of white guy C
FI self-reflected and I want to be anDm agent of Cchange
So I am going to use my pBbrivilege for the good
Gm(very cool, way to go!)
DmAmerican white guysC
FWe've had the floor for at least 4Dm00 yEbears
So maybe I should just sBbhut the fuck upGm
I'm bored
DmI don't wanna do thatC
FThere's got to be another Dmway (yes)
CFor me to help out without sBbtanding on the siGmdelines (never)
DmThe wait is over! C
FI'm white, and I'm here to Dmsave the day!
EbLord help me channel sandra Bbbullock in the blind side (sandra bullock!)
DmHealing tChe wForld with coDmmedy
CMaking a literal diBbfference, metaGmphorically
DmAnd yes, most likely they'Cll Fpay me
But I'd do it for fDmree Eb
I am healing the woBbrld with: comedy
BbIf you wake up in a hFouse that's full of Csmoke
Don't panic, cDmall me and I'll Ctell you a jokBbe
BbIf you see white mFen dressed in wChite cloaks
Don't panic, cDmall me and I'll Amtell you a jBboke
Oh sFhit,A7 should I be joking in a tiDmme like thCis?
BbIf you starFt to smell burning tCoast
You're having a sDmtroke or overcCooking your Bbtoast
BbIf you wake up in a hFouse that's full of Csmoke
Don't panic, cDmall me and I'll Ctell you a jokBbe
BbIf you see white mFen dressed in wChite cloaks
Don't panic, cDmall me and I'll Amtell you a jBboke
Oh sFhit,A7 should I be joking in a tiDmme like thCis?
BbSomebody help me out, 'cause I don'Bbmt know
And I waBbnna help to Cleave this world Fbetter than I Dmfound it C
And IBb fear that comeCdy won't help
And the fFear is not unfounDmded C
ShoBbuld I stop trying to be fuCnny?
Should I gA7ive away my Dmmoney? NCo! Bb
I knC7ow what I gD7otta do!
EmHealing Dthe woGrld with comedEmy
DMaking a literal diCfference, metaAmphorically
EmI swore I'd Dnever be Gback
But now I'm back Emon myF feet
And I'm healing the Cworld with Amcomedy
4.
Welcome To The Internet
Key: DmHardDm
Gm
F
A7
E
C
Bb
C7
F7
Dm7
Gm7
D
G7
Em
Am7
D7
Em7
A
B7
B
Am
G
Tab - Riff 2
DmWelcome to the internet!
Have a look around
GmAnything that brain of yours
Can think of can be found
We've got mFountains of content
Some better, some worse
If A7none of it's of interest to you
You'd be the first
DmWelcome to the internet!
Come and take a seat
Would you Gmlike to see the news
Or any famous women's feet?
There's Fno need to panic
This isn't a test, haha
A7Just nod or shake your head
And we'll do the rest
DmWelcome to the internet!
What would you prefer?
Would you Gmlike to fight for
Civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
Be Fhappy! Be horny!
Be bursting with rage!
A7We've got a million
Different ways to engage
DmWelcome to the internet!
Put your cares aside
Here's a Gmtip for straining pasta
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We've got Fmovies and doctors
And fantasy sports
And a A7bunch of colored-pencil drawings
Of all the different characters in
Harry Potter Dmfucking each other
Welcome to the internet!
Hold on to your socks
'Cause a Gmrandom guy just kindly
Sent you photos of his cock
They are Fgrainy and off-putting
He just sent you more
A7Don't act surprised
You know you like it, you whore
DmSee a man beheaded
Get offended, see a shrink
Show us Gmpictures of your children
Tell us every thought you think
Start a Frumor, buy a broom
Or send a death threat to a boomer
Or A7dm a girl and groom her
Do a zoom or find a tumor in your'
DmHere's a healthy breakfast option
You should kill your mom
Here's why Gmwomen never fuck you
Here's how you can build a bomb
Which Fpower ranger are you?
Take this quirky quiz
A7Obama sent the immigrants to
A7Vac_Gmci_nFate Eyour Dmkids
Could I Dminterest you in
Everything all of the time?
A Gmlittle bit of everything
All of the time
FApathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
A7Anything and everything
All of the time
Could I Dminterest you in everything
All of the time?
A lGmittle bit of everything
All of the time
FApathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
A7Anything and everything
All of the time
DmCBbA7
DmYou know, Cit wasn't
BbAlways like A7this
DmNot very Clong ago
BbJust before your A7time
DmRight before Cthe towers
BbFell, ciA7rca '99
GmThis was catalogs
DmTravel blogs, A7a chatroom oDmr two
We set our Gmsights and
DmSpent our nights wA7aiting C7
For F7you!
Dm7You, insGm7atiable C7you
F7Mommy let you use her Dm7iPad
Gm7You were baC7rely two
And it Dmdid all the
DmThiCngs we DmdesCigned it tBbo do
Now, Bblook at you!
COh, look at you!
DYou
G7You!Em
Am7Unstoppable, D7watchable
Your G7time is now, your iEm7nside's out
Am7Honey, how yD7ou grew
And if Emwe stick EmtogDether
EmWhoD knows wAhat we'll do?
It was Calways the Dplan to
Put the B7world in your Chand
EmEmB
Could I Eminterest you in
Everything all of the time?
A Ambit of everything
All of the time
GApathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
B7Anything and everything
All of the time
Could I iEmnterest you in everything
All of the time?
A Amlittle bit of everything
All of the time
GApathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
B7Anything and everything and
B7Anything and everything
B7And anything aB7nd everything and
All of the time Em
5.
Sad
Key: CHardC
F
C/G
Em
G
Am
E
Fm
It's abouCt all thFe sad stuffC/G. Just pictuEmre a depressed onion cutting itself
CFC/GEm
CFC/GEm
I met a Chomeless man named FRich
CIsn't that Gterrible?
I saw a fClyer for a lost Fdog
And the Amdog didn't have any leEmgs
I saw a dCiabetic kFid trAmick-or-Gtreating
I saCw a giraffe whoF had a short neck
AmThat was sad,G or a deer
EI saw an Fold man get Chit by a Gtrain
He didn't Esee it in the pouring rFain
He didn't hCear me shout, "Look out for the tGrain!" E
Because I didn't say anything
CFC/GEm
CI justF thought C/Gto myself, "EmOoh, this is gonna be sad."
C F C/GAnd it Emwas
C FI'm aC/G geniusEm
I saw a Cman with only one eye F
CIn a 3D Gmovie
I saw a Clittle boy drop his ice crFeam cone
AmDirectly on his mother's corpEmse
I saw a Ckitten stuck in a tFree
Then the Amkitten jumped off and he Ghung himself
I saw a boCy who had redF hair Am G
EI went to a Fstore looking for Csomething to Gbuy
But they only sold paEintings of the same sad gFuy
No, Cwait--this store sells Gmirrors!
See what I Edid there?
Let's rock! No C Em F Fm
CEmFFm
CEmFFm
CEmFG
(The last chord progression of spoken
Section, ending with the G on "I'm a
Sociopath!".)
Spoken
The world's so sad, bros. Pain, genocide, war, sexism, racism
But I've gotta remember there's good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that's happening to me! Score! Still
Though, it's hard not to be sad about it. How do y'all do it? I've
Been telling you guys terribly sad things this whole song; you
Haven't been sad at all. You've been--you've been happy--no
You've been laughing. That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything
It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world! I mean not for the
People that are actually sad, but the people like us that've gotta
Fucking deal with them all the time. Being a comedian isn't being
An insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses
Of the public; it's being a hero. The world isn't sad. The world's
Funny! I'm a sociopath!
I saw an Cold man slip and fFall
AmHey, what a fucking Gidiot
I saw a Cwoman at her daughter's Ffuneral
AmHa ha ha. GClassic comedy
CEverything that once was Fsad
AmIs somehow Gfunny now
The HColocaust and F9/11
AmThat shit's funny G24/7, cuz
ETragedy will be excFlusively jCoked abGout
Because my eEmpathy is bumming me Fout C
Goodbye, sGadness E
CFC/GEmC
6.
Oh My God Song From The Perspective Of God
Key: EHardE
A
C#m
B
Abm
Eb
F
Ebm
C
EI've never Awritten a book in my C#mlife B
E'Cause your tiny Abrains would never get it.
C#mMe compared to Shakespeare's like BShakespeare compared to Shakespeare's Awife.
I gave you Beverything, but
EI gave you simple C#mminds so you made simple things.
AI gave you healthy Bbirds, you made chicken wings.
EI gave you nipplesC#m, you made nipple rings.
EYou're not Agoing to heaven.
C#mWhy would you ever think I'd Bever hang out with you?
EYou're all Adicks, I don't need you.
C#mI know a million Baliens cooler than Ayou.B
So, fuck you.
Refrain:
EOh my, I said, C#moh my, AbmGod.
EOh my, C#moh my, GodAbm.
I'm Enot gonna fix you.C#m
I'm Abmnot gonna fix you.
I said Eoh my, C#moh my, AbmGod.
EPeople give me Amoney, but I don't know C#mwhy. B
E'Cause my real Acollection plate is an C#mempty cup Bheld by a homeless Aguy.
I made Bevery girl Edifferent, and they're all C#mperfect just the way they Aare.
People Btell them different, and Epeople are smartC#m.
I just made the Estars.
You think you know Abeauty and love.
C#mTrust me, you don't; I'm the Bone who created them.
EYou're overpopuAlated, so I slaved for C#mdays making gays and you Bended up hating them.
AFuckB youuuu!
Repeat refrain
EC#mAbm
EI created many C#mbeings, but you're the Ebstrangest that I've ever Abmmet.
EYou think that you're my C#mchildren, but you're Ebmore like an annoying Abmpet.
The EMessiah made the C#mpeople wonder Ebheavenly whether he's Abmme,
But I'm not Einto saving C#mpeople who might Ebnail me to a fucking Abmtree.
You're all Eangry, crying, C#msad, and lost.
You Ebworship power and Abmwealth.
The Emore that I watch youC#m, the less I beEblieve in myself.
Refrain:
EOh my, I said, C#moh my, AbmGod.
EOh my, C#moh my, GodAbm.
I'm Enot gonna fix you.C#m
I'm Abmnot gonna fix you.
I said Eoh my, C#moh my, AGodB.
FYou're looking for Banswers that won't be EbmfoundC, no.
FHow many Banswers can a raindrop Ebmfind Cbefore it hits the ground?
FYou think I Bkill you people.
EbmYou ask me 'CWhy?' when a child Fdies.
Why would I Bkill someone when a Ebmhundred years Cpasses when I blink my Feyes?
BEbmCF
This is actually my first UG submission, so I'd appreciate any feedback you can give me. Thanks!
7.
From Gods Perspective
Key: AmMediumAm
F
C
G
Em
AmThe books you think I Fwrote are way too Cthick G
AmWho needs a thousand Fmetaphors to Cfigure out you shouldn't Gbe a dick
AmAnd I don't Fwatch you when you sleepC G
AmSurprisingly FI don't use my own Comnipotence to be a Emfucking Fcreep
You're not Amgoing to Gheaven F
Why the fuck did you Amthink I'd ever Gkick it with youF
None of you are Amgoing to Gheaven
FThere's a trillion Amaliens Gcooler than youF
F
AmYou shouldn't Gabstain from rape just Ambecause you think that IG want you to F
F
AmYou shouldn't rape because rape is a Gfucked up thing to doC
AmI don't think Fmasturbation is obsceneC G
AmIt's absolutely Fnatural and the Cweirdest fucking thing I've Gever seen Am
You make my Fjob a living hell C G
AmI sent gays to Ffix overpopulationC
Didn't that Ggo well F
You're not Amgoing to Gheaven F
Eat a thousand Amcrackers sing a Gmillion hymnsF
None of you are Amgoing to Gheaven F
You're not my Amchildren you're aG bad game of simsF
AmYou shouldn't abstain from Gpork because you Amthink that I Gwant you toF
AmYou can eat pork because Gwhy the fuck would I give a Cshit
AmYou argue and you Fbicker and you Cfight G
AmAtheists and FCatholics, CJews and Hindus argue Gday and Amnight
Over Fwhat they think is Ctrue G
AmBut no one Fentertains the Cthought that maybe god does not Gbelieve in youF
You pray so Ambadly for Gheaven F
knowing any day Ammay be the Gday that you Fdie
But maybe life on Amearth could be Gheaven F
Doesn't just the thought Amof it make it Gworth a try F
FMy love's the type of Cthing that Fyou have to earn G
And when you Cearn iFt you won'Ct needG it
AmI'm not gonna give Glove just cause I Amknow that you Gwant me Fto
AmIf you want love then the love is Ggonna come from youC
8.
That Funny Feeling
Key: DMediumD
G
Em
A
Bm
C
DStunning 8K resolution Gmeditation aDpp
In Dhonor of the revolution
It's Ghalf-off at the DGap
EmDeadpool's self-Aawareness
LovBming parents, harmless Gfun
The Embacklash to the Abacklash
To the Bmthing that's just Gbegun
DThere it is agaiEmn
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
DThere it is agaiEmn
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
The Dsurgeon general's pop-up shop
GRobert Iger's fDace
DDiscount Etsy agitprop
GBugles' take on rDace
EmFemale Colonel ASanders
BmEasy answers, civil Gwar
The Emwhole world at your fAingertips
The Bmocean at your Gdoor
DThe live-action Lion King
The GPepsi Halftime DShow
DTwenty-thousand years of this
GSeven more to Dgo
EmCarpool KarAaoke, Steve BmAoki
Logan GPaul
EmA gift shop at the Agun range
A mass shBmooting at the mGall
DThere it is agEmain
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
DThere it is agEmain
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
DReading Pornhub's terms of service
GGoing for a Ddrive
DAnd obeying all the traffic laws
In GGrand Theft AutoD V
EmFull agorAaphobic
Losing Bmfocus, cover Gblown
A Embook on getting Abetter
Hand-delBmivered by a Gdrone
DTotal disassociation
GFully out your Dmind
DGoogling derealization
GHating what you Dfind
EmThat unaApparent summer
BmAir in early Gfall
EmThe quiet compreAhending
Of the Bmending of it Gall
DThere it is agEmain
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
DThere it is agEmain
That funny feeling
BmThat funny Gfeeling
DHey, what can you say?
We were Emoverdue
But it'll be Cover soon
You Gwait
DHey, what can you say?
We were Emoverdue
But it'll be Cover soon
Just Gwait
Ba-da-da ba-da-da
DHey, what can you say?
We were Emoverdue
But it'll be Cover soon
You Gwait
Ba-da-da ba-da-da
DHey, what can you say?
We were Emoverdue, oh
But it'll be Cover soon
You Gwait
DHey, what can you say?
We were Emoverdue
But it'll be Cover soon
You Gwait
Ba-da-da ba-da-da
9.
Art Is Dead
Key: BbHardBb
D
Gm
Eb
Bb Art is dDead, arGmt is dead Eb
BbArt is deadD, arGmt is dead Eb
BbEntertainers like toD seem complicated Gm
But we'Ebre not complicated Bb
I can explaDin it pretty easily Gm
Have you ever been Ebto a birthday party Bbfor children D
And one of the children won'Gmt stop screaming Eb
Cause he's just a little attenBbtion attractor D
When he grows uGmp to be a comic or actor Eb
He'll be rewarBbded for never maturing D
For never understanGmding or learning Eb
That every day canBb't be about him D
There's other people you Gmselfish asshole Eb
BbD
I must be psychotic, I must be demented
To think that I'm worthy of aGmll this attention Eb
Of all of this money yBbou worked really hard for D
I slept in late Gmwhile you worked at the drugstore Eb
My drug's attention,Bb I am an addict D
but I get paid tGmo indulge in my habit Eb
It's all an illusiBbon, I'm wearing make-up D
I'm wearing make-up,Gm make-up, make-up, make-up Eb
BbArt is dead,D so people thinkGm you're funny
EbHow do you get those people's money?
BbArt is dead, Dwe're rolling in douDgh
While CarlinEb rolls in his grave, in his grBbave, in his grave D Gm Eb
This show Bbhas got a budget, the sDhow has got a budgGmet Eb
And all tBbhe poor people way more deserDving of the money won't budge it Gm Eb
Cause I wanted Bbmy name in lights. when I coulDd have fed a family Gmof four Eb
For fortyBb fucking fortnightDs, forty fuckinGmg fortnights Eb
I amBb an artist, please god forgive me D
I amGm an artist, please don't revere me Eb
I amBb an artist, please don't respect me D
I amGm an artist, feel free to correct me Eb
A self-Bbcentered artist, self-obsDessed artist
I aGmm an artist, I am aEbn artist
But I'm just a kid, I'mBb just a kid, im jusDt a kid, kid Gm
And maybEbe I'll grow out of it Bb
10.
White Woman Instagram
Key: FHardF
C
Gm
A
Bb
Dm
Am
An opeFn window C
Gm
A
A couple holding haBbnds
FAn avocado C
A poeGmm, written in the saDmnd C
BbFresh fallen snCow on the grounFd
A golden retDmriever in a flower crown
BbIs this hCeaven?F
DmOr isC it just a
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman
BbA white woman's CInstagram (Instagram)
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman
BbA white woman's Instagram
FLatte foam art C
Tiny pumpkinsGm
Fuzzy, comfy sockBbs
FCoffee table made out of driftwood C
A bobblehead of Ruth Bader GinsburgGm
A needlepoint of a fDmox C
BbSome random quoCte from Lord of the RingFs
Incorrectly attriDmbuted to Martin Luther King
BbIs this Cheaven?F
DmOr am I lookCing at a
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman (White woman)
BbA white woman's CInstagram (Instagram)
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman
BbA white woman's ICnstagram
CHer favorite Dmphoto of her mBbom
The caption says:C
"I cDman't believe it Bb
It's been a decade since you've been gonCe Dm
Momma, I Bbmiss you
I miss sitting with you in the front yarCd
Still figuring oDmut how to keep living withBbout you
It's got a little better but it's still hard
CMomma, I got a Dmjob I love and my own apaBbrtment
Momma, I got a boyfriend and I'm crazy about Chim
Your little girl Dmdidn't do too baBbd
Momma, I love you. Give a hug and kiss to dad"
FA goat-cheese saladC (Goat cheese salad)
A backlit hammockGm (Backlit hammock)
A simple glass of DmwineC
FIncredibly derivative political street art C
A dreamcatcher bought from urban outfittersGm
A vintage neon siDmgn C
BbThree little worCds, a couple of dovesF
And a ring on her fiDmnger from the person she loves Bb
Is this hCeaven?F
ODmr is it juCst a
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman (White woman)
BbA white woman's CInstagram (Instagram)
FWhite woman
GmA white woman's Instagram
AmWhite woman
BbA white woman's ICnstagram